Words of Wisdom
From Many Sources
Wisdom. Truth. Knowledge. What are they, really? Well don't look at
me. If I knew, I wouldn't have spent four years in Rolla!
Seriously, I have learned many things in my lifetime. Okay, so most of
them have to do with methods of making contact explosives in the comfort
of one's own kitchen, but I digress ... The following are quotes that
have alternately taught, inspired, amused, or otherwise moved me in some
manner. Take what you will from them.
Long Quotes
Merlin's Little Poetry and Lyrics Archive
All I Really Need to Know About Life I Learned From Watching "Gargoyles" by Batya "The Toon" Levin
A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys by Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat
A Guy's Guide to Geek Girls by Lisa Masterman
The Secret Codes in Human DNA
So You Want to Be an Evil Overlord
Deep Thoughts
A Thermodynamicist's View on Hell
More Product Content Warning Labels by Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky
Haiku Error Messages
Alternate Uses for Puck's name by Bud-Clare
From "The Cynic's Dictionary"
You Might Be a Redneck Jedi If ...
Choosing a Craft name by Lady Pixie Moondrip
Letter D Pulls Sponsorship for Sesame Street
Actual Performance Evaluations
The Wisdom of the Naked Dancing Llama
When the Klan Came Calling: A Bedtime Story
Green Eggs and Hamlet
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Schrodinger Explained
Quantum Santa
The Rules
Quotes Best Taken Out of Context
"He was no longer a man in love with his best friend's wife. He was now a man in love with his best friend." - Amy deKanter, "The Cure", on Cpt. Jean-Luc Picard and Dr. Beverly Crusher
"I don't fuck with latex." - K.K., on paint formulation
"Americans use a lot of tongue." - Nantana, on learning the
different pronunciations of "l" and "r"
"You work with handcuffs as much as I do, you learn some tricks." - Det.
Elisa Maza, "Gargoyles"
Quotable Quotes
"Beauty is in the heart of the beholder." - Fortune Cookie
"Cer-OOOO-lian!" - Pusher, X-Files
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on ... " - Shakespeare
"They tried to kill me with a forklift. Ole!" - Joel and the 'bots
"Every harlot was a virgin once." - William Blake
"God does not play dice with the universe." - Albert Einstein
(He is, however, partial to the occasional game of Yahtzee.)
"Hearts cannot be broken, they're small, squishy things
They don't break like glass but they bruise easily" - The JudyBats
"Tin can at my feet,
I think I'll kick it down the street.
That's the way to treat a friend." - Joe Cochran
"If you're going to assume an ideal state, you might as well assume a spherical chicken." - Jay Paladino
"Tara! Purple Chicken!" - Amanda Thomas
"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate." - chem geek joke
The darkest regions of space,
The farthest boundaries of adventure,
One starship journeys into the unknown,
Exploring the mysteries that lie ... Beyond the Beyond!
"What we know is a drop. What we don't know is an ocean." - Isaac Newton
(What we'd like to know fills a decent sized glass and comes with a little paper umbrella sticking out the top.)
"If you wanna kiss the sky, you better learn how to kneel." - U2
"If there's nothing wrong with me, maybe there's something wrong with the universe!" - Dr. Beverly Crusher, uttering the battle-cry of the weird
"Some take the high road, some take the low road, and some go screaming down the highway leaving flaming bits of wreckage." - Tara O'Shea
"He was not a lettuce. He was a cabbage! I fear we will not see his like again." - Captain Chow, "Dinosaurs"
"Klingons do *not* macarena!" - Worf. In some universe, anyway.
"The truth is, I'm actually Superman in disguise. I only pretend to be a journalist so I can find out where trouble is brewing and squeeze you out of the byline." - Clark
"I hate you, Kent." - Lois
"Where's the core memory interface?" - Eddington
"It's right behind the spatula." - Rom
"Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball." - SNL, Happy Fun Ball commercial
"'Huggies' has their three babies:
Black and White and Japanese.
Chicano babies also pee,
But you don't see them on tv."
- A Lament on the Lack of Hispanics on Television
"I'm going to go talk to Ralph on the big white telephone." - Orbitron
"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Then take over." - me
"Well, first you stick the pointy end in the ground. Then it gets a bit technical." - The Groundskeeper at Unseen U. explaining the use of a shovel to the faculty
"The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved." - Victor Hugo
"And the dish ran away with the spoon. But Hawaii was the only state that would recognize the marriage as legal." - Jane Lane retelling an old fave, "Daria" (swiped shamelessly from S-a-n's .sig)
"Some of it's tragic, some of it's magic, but I've had a good life all the way." - Jimmy Buffet
"If you value your lives, be somewhere else." - Delenn
"Where are we?" - Milhouse
"Branson, Missouri. My dad says it's like Vegas if Ned Flanders were in charge." - Bart
Gallopavi non carborundum. (Don't let the turkeys wear you down.)
"You've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above." - The Boss
"So now I tell you openly
You have my heart, so don't hurt me." - The Cranberries
"Stupid bloody fire alarm." - me
"Good morning, doctors. I have taken the liberty of removing Windows 95
from my hard drive." - Hal 9000
"Tomorrow morning I will be queen. You must take the eggs and go without
me. You know I'm right, Magus. If I go, Constantine will hunt me to the
very ends of the earth." - Princess Katharine
"Then I will take you beyond them." - The Magus
*dissolves in pool of romantic goo, forever in love with Jeff Bennett* - me
"*mumble mumble mumble*" - Kenny
"What? How do you know she has a cat?" - Stan
"Hunting was part of the Indian culture. It was food and it was clothes
and it was shelter. They sang and danced and offered prayers to the gods
for a successful hunt so that they could survive just one more
unimaginably brutal winter. The things they had to kill held the highest
place of respect for them and to kill for fun was a sin, and they knew
the gods wouldn't be so generous next time. What we did wasn't food and
it wasn't shelter and it sure wasn't sports. It was just mean." - Jeremy
"What a long, strange trip it's been." - The Grateful Dead
"You could be having sex with Yoko Ono right now." - Dan
"Don't *ever* say that again." - Casey
You might be a detriment to all pagans if ...
You have ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan Rede.
"She knows she's more than just a little misunderstood
She has trouble acting normal when she's nervous ..." - Counting Crows
"What goeth around cometh around." - Igor Karma
"Please explain to me the scientific nature of the whammy." - Scully
"Precisely why all of the above should be so is not clear, but goes some way to explain why, on the disc, the Gods are not so much
worshipped as blamed." - Terry Pratchett, footnote, "The Colour of Magic"
"Whatever planet Clark's from, I think it orbits a really dim star." - C.J. to Toby, "Them Mean 'Ol, Low-Down Lando Calrissian Blues" by Yahtzee