Brian Henson's Therapy
original tune (pick your own!)

Once upon a long lost time
Ten billion souls I held as mine
I had a thousand concubines
	And ruled with a noble hand
And how is it that I should fall
To be the butt of one and all
This life I live!  These names I'm called!
	I'm beginning to understand

I think I'm Brian Henson's therapy:
There's no other reason that I see
For all that has become of me
	Or why my state in life has sunk so low
A kinder gentler person, I should think,
Would talk it over with a shrink
Or drown it all in heavy drink
	But our co-producer, goodness no
There's just one thought that makes it clear to me:
I'm surely Brian Henson's therapy

My myriad aggravations start
With the plot behind my part:
Did you know he has me fart
	At least one scene in ten?
Make me bargain, make me lie
Stick a needle in my eye
Crush my throat until I die
	And bring me back again

I think I'm Brian Henson's therapy:
Villains stab and shoot at me
(Cargo bay -- I'll take a pee)
	Tell me what I ever did to him?
He's made my royal life a frelling mess
But in comparison, I guess,
To John Crichton I am blessed:
	That man has died more times than Harry Kim
There's just one thought that makes it clear to me:
We're surely Brian Henson's therapy

Put my patience to the test
Send me in the insects' nest
"You're the smallest, you'll fit best"
	And push me through the wall
Make me eat three weeks' of food
Make me fart and call me rude
It's plain to see that I'm one screwed
	Three foot talking doll

I think I'm Brian Henson's therapy:
"Dominar" I used to be
No one pays much heed to me
	So through the scripts each week I'm force to slog
There's something not quite kosher in his brain
I don't think the man is sane
Each time I go up to complain
	He tells me, "Back on stage, you frelling frog!"
There's just one thought that makes it clear to me:
I'm surely Brian Henson's
We're surely Brian Henson's
I'm surely Brian Henson's therapy!