i killed a man today

the battle raged
i led
our forces flowed against theirs
rushing back
falling like the tide

there were explosions
there were arrows
there were cannon

and there he was
in front of me
	the enemy
	slit-eyed
	curling tongue
	scaly green
	alien
my sword short and sharp
(not my father's)
unsheathed itself

there was resistance
like a needle through silk
breathless material pushing back
	yielding space
	pricking through

there was heat
there was smell
there was blood
hot, sticky
(the moments after first love
ache and fluid drying tacky)

i looked in his eyes
he looked in mine
and he died

i killed a man today
but last week
i wore dresses
blue and pink and purple
my sister called me kitten
i fished with my brother
my mother was lowborn but proud
my father a noble

i killed a man today
but last week
i went to the ball
i danced like a woman unchained
even fettered in satin
i took long walks in dark places
with willing men
i drank champagne

i killed a man today
and i have not washed away the blood
the battle continued
i killed others
	faceless after the first
my leather is dyed with death
my white arms red and black

i killed a man today
and i cannot stop wondering
does he have a daughter
who wears dresses
blue and pink and purple