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Harley Har Har
by Merlin Missy
Copyright 1995
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     "What did you call this ... thing again?"  He walked around
the contraption, wondering how he was going to get out of this.
     "A motorcycle.  Ancient Earth vehicle, from back when we were
using up all of the planet's fossil fuels."  Beverly wiped a spot
off the chrome.
     "All right.  I'll bite.  How in the name of Kolker did you
ever encounter one?"
     "Weeeell, I could tell you that Nana rode one of these every
day of her life."  She glanced over at him.  "But I doubt you'd
believe me.  Actually, there was a friend of mine at the Academy
who restored old vehicles like this.  We used to go out riding
together all the time, once I learned the basics.  *There's*
someone I'd like to look up again."  She sighed, nostaligia on her
face.  He felt a twinge inside; this was a part of her life she had
not even mentioend to him before.  "There's nothing quite like the
wind in your hair."  She smirked.  "The bugs in your teeth.  The
holodeck can't quite replicate the feeling, but it comes close
enough to remind me of the good old days.
     "And you did promise."
     He sighed.  This was what he got for forgetting her birthday
until the actual morning.
     "So how do we ...  What do we do with it anyway?"
     "We ride."  She climbed on the machine, sitting astride it as
if on some bizarre breed of horse.  She slid forward on the seat,
then patted it.  "Coming?"
     Now he knew why she'd told him to wear comfortable clothes. 
Gingerly, he tried to imitate her maneuver, and found himself
pressed up against her back.  His arms fell uselessly to his sides.
     "You have to hold on to me, or you're going to break your
neck."  He slid his arms around her.  She jumped.  "A little lower,
if you would.  I don't think you want me to get that distracted."
     Embarrassed, he shifted his arms lower.  This brought her
closer, and now *he* was getting distracted.  Beads of perspiration
began to form on his forehead, as his pulse shot up dangerously
high.  He wondered how long this was going to take before he could
politely make a hasty exit to his quarters.
     "Hang on," she said, and moved her wrists.  The beast roared
to life, and he instinctively held tighter to her.  They began to
move forward.  Fascinated beside himself, he watched the way her
arms moved in synch with her feet, as they moved faster.
     The holodeck had been programmed to show a lonely highway in
mid-afternoon.  The scenery zipped by them.  Jean-Luc could not
ever remember feeling this light headed.  He pressed his face into
her hair, which had been drawn back so as not to blow everywhere. 
Exhilaration filled him.
     He noticed, sadly, that they were slowing down.  She pulled to
a stop and turned around.
     "So what do you think?"
     "That was ... breathtaking."  He wasn't just referring to the
motorcycle.  She smiled.
 
***
 
     The happiness in his eyes told Beverly all she needed to know. 
He had enjoyed himself, had loosened up enough not to notice that
his arms still encircled his waist.
     However, he *had* forgotten her birthday.  She smiled sweetly
at him.  "Now it's your turn."
     "My turn?"
     "Mmhmm.  Switch places."  Before he could object, she had
slipped away from his grasp and walked behind him.  He slid forward
just enough, and she sat down.
     "Beverly, I don't think this is such a good idea."
     "You're not afraid, are you Jean-Luc?  The holodeck safeties
will protect you."  She didn't mention what they both knew: the
safety protocols on the holodeck *always* went out at the worst
times.
     "Of course not.  Are you ready?"
     Time to slide her arms around *him*.  She reached over, took
a firm hold, and said "Ready."
     He turned his wrists the way she had, and the motorcycle
purred.  The computer pulled the scenery by slowly, gaining speed
as Jean-Luc acted more comfortable.
     They reached a decent speed, and the computer-generated wind
made her heart light.  She laughed and held him tighter.  He
smiled, then revved it faster, hugging the highway's curves as
close as she was holding him.  He turned his head to say something
to her.  This was a mistake.
     The motorcycle veered with him, running off the road and into
a large rock at the side.  Within seconds, the bike was twisting
upwards and Beverly found herself suspended in midair as the
holodeck safety program barely saved her from several broken bones. 
She drifted downwards, then fell the last meter as the safety
switched off.  She landed hard on her bottom.
     For a moment, she sat where she was, wondering how much damage
she'd done to her tailbone and how she would explain it to her
staff.  She'd been on the holodeck with Jean-Luc and things had
gone badly?  Jean-Luc.  She could just imagine his face when he saw
her in this position.  She slowly got to her feet.
     "Jean-Luc?"  She walked over to the now-decrepit motorcycle. 
Jean-Luc was nowhere to be seen.  She was getting worried.  "Jean-
Luc!"
     "Over here."  His voice came from behind another large rock. 
She hurried over.  He was sitting on the ground much as she had
been.
     "Are you all right?"  She knelt down to check for broken
bones.
     "I'm fine.  Merely bruised my pride, is all."  He grimaced. 
"I feel like such an ass."
     "Why?"
     "You talked about how much fun you'd had with your Academy
friend.  I guess that I wanted to show you ... "  He couldn't
finish.
     "You wanted to show off."
     He nodded, looking miserable.  "I suppose you'll want to go
look him up now so that you can ride with someone who at least
knows what he's doing."
     "Oh, I probably will.  I'm not sure I should introduce the two
of you, though."
     "I understand."  She saw the sadness on his face and decided
her minor revenge had been taken.
     "I know how you distracted you get around women with red
hair."  He looked up.  "Pity, too.  I think you and Kimba would get
along just fine.  Computer."  Tweedlesquirge.  "End program
Harley."
 
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