***
Between Sea and Shore
a tale of how things came to be
by Merlin Missy
copyright 1996
***
 
Okay, intro time.  The following is a very weird and probably
*very* self-indulgent story.  The inspiration hit while I was at a
party not so long ago.  Everyone there was pretty much hammered but
me (ah, the joys of being a designated driver).  We were along a
lake, and to avoid the crowd, I curled up in a convenient shadow
from a tree, and sat looking out at the water.  It was a very odd
night, and from the events of the week preceding, I was in an
introspective mood.  I was feeling literally trapped "between sea
and shore," not really belonging to either, but longing for the
joys of both, and getting horribly confused in the process.  The
story popped into my head, as if someone were reading it to me, and
I knew I had to write it down.  Read it if you want, or hit the
Back button.  As I said, it's very self-indulgent; the main
character is named Merlin for a very good reason.  But you will
discover that there is another reason, as well.  It *is* my story,
and as such, should probably best be kept on my hard drive.  Still,
I can't help but think that there must be someone else out there
who felt the same way I did that night.  I don't know if this will
make sense to you, or to anyone, really, but if it does, I'm glad.
 
 
 
     Now, the first thing you must know is that this took place a
long long long time ago, before people learned how to write stories
down.  Back then, many amazing and wonderful things happened to
people like you and me.  It was only after there was writing that
such things stopped happening, for people who could read about
talking with the gods or walking on different worlds have no more
need to do so.  They have already done it in their minds, and if
you think on this, you will know it to be true.
     As I said, this took place a long long long time ago, so long
in fact that the things you see around you now, like your desk or
your papers, or even your parents, had no form.  Nothing at all had
any form, because form hadn't been invented yet.  Everything was
much like those creatures you see under microscopes: round and
squishy and always in motion.
     All the shapeless, squishy creatures were very much alike,
almost exactly alike, and it was very hard to tell one from
another, even for them.  All creatures had names, chosen by the
Lady, and they were all very friendly, so despite not quite knowing
who was who, there were groups of friends who rolled and squished
and oozed together, just like people do now.  Still, it was very
confusing.  Imagine being a squishy creature rolling and sliding
and oozing over to another one.
     You'd probably say, "Hi Esther!" (or Wolf, or Sita)
     Now imagine that other squishy being looking back at you, and
saying, "Sorry.  I'm Crow." (or Ming, or Lise)  Can you see how
confusing that would be?
     The one who'd created all the beings, the Lady, was just as
confused as the rest.  She tried very hard to tell her children
apart, because she loved them all, but it was almost impossible,
even for her.  One day, the first day actually, the Lady decided
that, although the world was quite a nice place without forms, all
the beings should really choose some kind of shape and stay in it. 
She reasoned that shapes would help her children tell one another
apart, and since all the creatures were going to do this shape
thing, she wanted as many as possible.  She even went so far as to
give the world different shapes.  She gathered part of it into
water, part of it into land, and part of it into sky.  Some parts
were also turned into fire, but those were special parts, and none
of her children could live in them.
     Many of the squishy things thought the idea of taking shapes
would be grand, and they did it quickly.  Some became snakes, and
slithered through the dry parts.  Some became mice, and sometimes
they were eaten by the snakes, but most of the time, they just
skittered around the land.  Some became fish, and some became
monkeys, and some became people, and some became dogs, like Wolf,
and their names were handed down to their own children much much
later.
     There were also those who hadn't yet chosen what they wanted
to be.  Some stayed squishy, and some even to this very day haven't
chosen yet and are *still* squishy.  Those are the ones you look at
under that microscope.  Others flipped between shapes, trying to
choose one that fit just right.  One of the latter was a being that
the Lady had named Merlin.
     The Time of Changes lasted many days, and during that time,
Merlin tried on hundreds of forms, earth-creepers and little
swimmers, mostly, for Merlin was rather small, about the size of a
rabbit.  In fact, Merlin's favorite land-form was of a creature
very much like a rabbit: small and furry, with long ears, but also
with very sharp claws that could be sheathed like a cat's.  When
Merlin was in the mood to be a water-dweller, though, the form
became sleek and brightly shimmering, much like the way the water
looks when it reflects back at you on a hot August afternoon.  But
which form to choose?
     If the truth was told, the real reason Merlin couldn't decide
on a form was because Merlin also couldn't decide where to live:
the sea or the land.  Of all the friends that had come and gone in
their long day as squishy creatures, two had been very close to
Merlin.  When the time came to choose forms, one had become a
mermaid who lived in the water, and the other a fairy-knight, who
guarded the forest.  Merlin loved them both very much, and couldn't
decide which one to be near.
     Sometimes, Merlin would turn into a fish, and swim close to
the rocks where the mermaid lived, and would listen in utter
delight as she sang for nights on end.  Then, the choice would seem
obvious: change into a fish and listen to this glorious music
forever.
     Sometimes, though, Merlin would change into the rabbit-form,
and would scamper into the forest, where the fairy-knight made his
home.  He was very brave and very kind and very handsome, and his
life was dedicated to helping all the creatures in the forest, and
all the people in the village beyond it (which Merlin had never
seen, because it was too far from the sea).  Then the choice would
again become crystal clear: change into the rabbit-creature, and
spend the rest of time following at his heels.
     Sometimes, Merlin would just sit on the small strip of sandy
beach between the two worlds, and wonder what to do.
     On one of those days, as Merlin was sitting and wondering, the
unhappy former squishy noticed a rocky cave for the first time, and
decided to go look inside, and it was a lucky thing, too.  Inside
that cave was the Lady!  She had chosen to make her home along the
beach, because it afforded her the sight of all of her children,
and so made her very happy indeed.  She was looking out on the
lapping waves when she saw Merlin, who was spying in at her.
     "Hello, child," the Lady said.  "Merlin, isn't it?"
     "Yes, ma'am," said Merlin in a hushed voice, for it was the
first time since being given that name that the Lady had said it.
     "You look unhappy.  You have a very delightful form, why
aren't you scampering in the forest?"
     "Because this isn't my form," said Merlin, sadly.  "And I
can't decide what form to take.  The two beings I love most in all
the world have very different forms.  One lives in the sea, and one
in the woods, and to choose a form would be to leave one behind. 
What should I do?"
     The Lady thought for a long moment.  "I have an idea.  There
are creatures who both live in the sea and creep on the land, like
Frog and Salamander.  You could choose a form like theirs, and then
you could see both of your friends whenever you wanted.  And, if
you should decide that you loved one more after all, you could stay
with that one."
     Merlin was filled with sudden joy at the thought.  "Oh, thank
you, Lady!  Thank you!"
     The Lady smiled, her face glowing like the sand at sunset. 
"Go and be happy, my little one."
     Merlin nodded, and ran to the beach.  The fur quickly melted
into a smooth, wet skin.  The front legs that had scampered, and
had occasionally been fins, thinned into little legs that were
tipped with dainty webbed toes.
     Merlin shouted for joy, and heard only a glorious "Croak!" 
Feeling happiness for the first time since the others had started
changing, Merlin leapt into the sea and began swimming towards the
mermaid's rock.
     Many happy days and nights followed in this manner.  By day,
Merlin would hop about on the land, chasing the fairy-knight as he
protected the woods.  By night, a new, croaking sound could be
heard among the songs of the mermaid.  And for a time, all was
well.
     Some nights, it wasn't quite so pleasant to be among the
rocks, for the fish gathered there, and they often teased Merlin
about being an amphibian.
     "Silly creature.  Why don't you become a fish like us?  Then
you can swim all day and all night."
     Some fish weren't even that kind.
     "Air breather!" they called, and some nights, they chased
Merlin away from the rocks before the singer had even started, and
on those nights, Merlin was very sad.
     The day wasn't that much better.  On the land, frogs were
considered very ugly creatures, and portents of bad luck.  The few
humans that came by would often throw stones, or just try to catch
Merlin.  The rabbits and mice would jeer at the swimming interloper
to their forest.
     "Go back to the water where you belong!"
     Some of them thought being around Merlin would give them
warts, and they were the worst because they didn't even stop to say
hello.
     Still, life wasn't terrible.  Merlin usually could get near
enough to hear the mermaid's song, or to watch the fairy-knight at
work, and those times made up for the teasing and the loneliness
otherwise.  Usually.
     When Merlin slept, it was to dream very strange dreams. 
Occasionally, the fairy-knight would come with a kiss to break a
spell that had never actually been cast.  In those dreams, Merlin
would change suddenly into a beautiful maiden, and would live in
the forest with the knight forever.  In other dreams, it was the
mermaid who broke the enchantment, and Merlin would change into a
dolphin, gliding next to the sweet singer through all the seas.
     As time passed, though, the dreams became less and less real,
as Merlin grew to know that neither would ever really come true. 
The mermaid and the knight were both too beautiful and noble to
bend down to kiss a frog, at least in the admittedly biased opinion
of said frog.  When Merlin first realized this to be true, it was
a dark dark day.  On that day, Merlin did not venture into the
woods, nor out to sea, instead choosing to stay on the beach and
weep for what never could have been in the first place.
     Salamander saw Merlin crying, and scrabbled over.
     He stuck his tongue out quickly to taste the air, then said,
"What's wrong?  You look very unhappy, Merlin.  Why do you not swim
out in the lovely ocean, or go hopping through the forest?"
     "I do not wish to go, Salamander," said Merlin, hiccuping a
little.  "I do not even really wish to be in this form!"
     Salamander walked around Merlin three times very fast, his
head darting to and fro.  "But you have a wonderful form!  You and
I are very much alike.  We can swim and we can walk and go anywhere
we please.  I pity the fish and the mice, both bound to one world
or the other.  We have both."
     "But I don't want both worlds."
     Salamander looked very confused.  "Then why did you become an
amphibian?"
     Merlin told Salamander about the two beings she loved, and how
they lived so very far apart.  "I wanted to be with them both, but
now that I can, I'm always being teased by the creatures around
them."
     Salamander said, "Silly Merlin.  Don't you see?  Your friends
are happy because they chose the shapes that were right for them. 
You are unhappy, not because the fish and the mice tease you, but
because your shape was based on their shapes.  You didn't choose
what *you* wanted to be."
     "But I didn't have anything that I really wanted to be! 
Besides, this way, I can still be with them."
     "Can you?" he asked in as wise a voice as Salamander ever had,
and he skittered away before Merlin could answer.
     After a long time of watching the water roll in and thinking
about what Salamander had said, Merlin hopped along the beach to
the rocky cave.
     Merlin peered in carefully.  "Lady?"
     A voice came from the back of the cave.  "Enter, child."
     Merlin hopped deeper into the cave, to an old woman by a small
fire.  "Lady?"  The woman nodded, her toothless mouth closed. 
Uncertain, Merlin looked into the woman's eyes.  They were the same
as the Lady's had been.  Before thinking, Merlin said, "You've
grown old."
     The Lady laughed.  "It happens to the best of us."  She peered
in the dim light afforded by the fire.  "Merlin.  My child who
wanted to live in two worlds.  You still look unhappy.  You have a
wonderful form.  You should be playing, either in the sea or on the
land.  Why do you weep?"
     "I am unhappy because I chose poorly.  I wanted to be near my
two friends, but by being both a creature of the sea and the land,
I belong to neither, and I don't know what to do."  Tears
threatened again.
     The Lady looked at Merlin, a cross expression on her face. 
"You have what you asked for: a shape to satisfy your friends.  You
made your choice.  Now go live with it."
     Merlin bowed, knowing there was no other recourse but to live
as an amphibian and make the best of it.  "Yes, Lady."  Merlin
turned towards the opening of the cave, and hopped towards the
darkness outside.
     "Merlin."  The Lady's voice called her from the cave.
     "Yes, Lady?"
     "If you were to choose another shape, what would it be?"
     Merlin considered the question, then sighed in defeat.  "I
don't know."
     The Lady joined Merlin at the mouth of the cave.  "Let me ask
again.  What do you *want* to be?"
     "I don't know.  Before I took this form, I tried others.  But
I wasn't happy as a fish, for I really don't enjoy swimming much. 
It was just a way to see the mermaid.  I was a rabbit-creature for
a while, but the forest for all its finery is really not where I
want to be.  I went through it to see the knight.  The shape I have
now both swims and scampers, and I really don't like doing either."
     Merlin looked up to the Lady.  "I can't live in the sea, and
I can't live on the land.  There is no place left for me to go."
     "Are you certain?"  The Lady gestured out.  "What do you see?"
     Merlin looked.  "I see the ocean, kissing the shore."
     "What else do you see?"
     Merlin tried.  "Nothing, Lady.  Only sea and shore."
     "Look again," said the Lady, in a very patient voice.  "Look
not only with your eyes, but with your soul, and tell me what you
see."
     Merlin looked again, but hopelessness was already setting in. 
What was there besides sea and land?  Nevertheless, because the
Lady asked, Merlin reached out, not only with eyes, but with
imagination.  And knew.
     "The sky!  The sky touches both the sea and the land, but it
is neither!"
     The Lady smiled.  "Yes, child."  Her face turned serious.  "I
have watched you for a very long time, Merlin.  You have been as
silly and shallow as the fish and the mice.  You made a bad
decision when you chose to live on both sea and land, because you
listened to one part of your heart without consulting the rest. 
However, you *did* make your choice out of love, and if you were to
be forever punished for that, there would be no point to love at
all."  She paused, her eyes flashing bright grey for an instant. 
"I will give you one more chance to change your shape.  But this
one, you must live with for the rest of your life, for I will not
grant such a thing again."
     Merlin, unable to say or do anything else, whispered simply,
"Thank you, Lady."
     The Lady smiled.  "Go, child, run along the beach towards the
North Star!"
     Merlin looked around wildly for the star, and upon finding it,
hopped like mad towards it.  The beach was very long, and Merlin
grew tired quickly.  For some reason, the long legs that had jumped
and swam felt like they were getting shorter and more unwieldy. 
Merlin began moving them opposite one another, then found the
slender front legs getting in the way.  That was all right, because
they were growing very fast.  Suddenly, Merlin was covered in pain,
as smooth wet skin broke in tiny shafts.  Yet, Merlin kept running
towards the star, and was not afraid, knowing deep inside that
changes such as these always cause great pain while they happen,
but that the pain will eventually go away.
     The beach was coming to an end at a rocky outcrop.  Merlin was
running headlong towards the cliff, but did not slow down, not with
the pain, not with the fear of falling.  The Lady had said "Run!"
and Merlin would not stop.
     At the edge, Merlin did not even pause, leaping out towards
the sea like Otter.  Merlin fell.
     And then she spread her wings.
 
 
     Merlin is no longer caught between the sea and the land.  She
belongs to neither, but flies over both, watching and protecting as
need be.  Sometimes, she still glides to the mermaid's rock at
night, and listens.  Sometimes, she flies into the forest, to perch
near the fairy-knight in his endless battles.  Sometimes, when
she's feeling mischievous, she perches over his head.
     Sometimes, she will fly to where the people are, and when she
sees them argue and quibble over little things, she will just shake
her head and fly on.  If she hears a good musician in a village,
she will often perch nearby to listen, and if you watch the sky
carefully while the music is playing, you may even see her dancing
in the air.
     Mostly, though, she explores the sky around her.  Each cloud,
each treetop is a new enchantment.  Of course, the sky is a very
big place, and is bound by nothing at all.  The few who live there
are scattered far and wide, and since she flies far over the land
away from the forest, or else goes far out past the mermaid's rock
to the true ocean, Merlin doesn't often see or talk to other
creatures.  It is scary, and sometimes it is lonely, and sometimes,
Merlin wonders if it would have been safer and better to have been
a fish or a frog or a rabbit.
     At times like those, though, she will soar up to the top of
the highest cloud, then dive to where she almost plunges into the
sea, just to zip away at the last minute with salt spray on her
beak.
     And she is very very happy.
 
The End
 
merlin - n. a species of falcon, found mostly in Europe [O.Fr.
     esmerillon, a falcon].  (from: Webster's New Compact Format
     Dictionary, 1985 edition)